Holstein and Company Mornings

Nitwit News – September 5
Nitwit News – September 5

A Scottish couple said they spent $1.56 on their wedding, which involved a volunteer minister and a pot luck reception. Georgina and Sid said the buck-and-a-half they spent on the bride’s second-hand dress was the only money they spent on their recent wedding. They held the wedding on their property with a volunteer minister and guests were asked to bring food for a picnic reception in the barn behind their home. Georgina’s aunt baked the three-tier wedding cake free of charge and her father, Harry, entertained the guests with his saxophone.

Florida police (St. Lucie County) defeated two suspects in a game of crack-pipe hide-and-seek. When Oliver Johnson submitted to a security X-ray, cops spotted a crack pipe in his stomach. In another part of Florida (Vero Beach) jail authorities conducting a cavity search on drug suspect Amanda Goss found a crack pipe in, ahem, her lower frontal orifice.

Clive Saleman received a letter at his home in Oakura, New Zealand. It was addressed to “the occupier” of a nearby streetlight. The letter threatened that power could be shut off, which at first worried Saleman — till he realized the letter wasn’t sent to him and it was from a different power company. The company that provides power to the streetlight later admitted it was an “automated administrative” error. Yeah, the letter was supposed to be sent to the nearby ‘Yield’ sign.

Interviews & Bits

Sgt. Bruce

Sgt. Bruce on Local Nitwits

We asked Sgt. Bruce to share some stories of local knuckleheads and nitwits.

PODCAST pod

Willie Waffle Doesn’t Like The Identical

To celebrate 20 years Forest Gump is back in theaters — and it’s on IMAX. There’s also a new movie called The Identical.

gina

Gina Talks About Bad Marital Advice

Life coach Gina says we should ignore this marital advice.

PODCAST pod

Waffle Reviews November Man & As Above/So Below

Movie guy Willie Waffle gave one movie 1 out of 4 and the other 0 out of 4!

Sgt. Bruce and Cop Cameras

Champaign police cars have cameras. How do they work and will the police be wearing cameras soon?  

gina

How to Tell Someone They Smell

We asked life coach Gina how to tell someone they stink or have bad breath.

PODCAST pod

We TRIED to do the Ice Bucket Challenge

We were ready to do the Ice Bucket Challenge … and planning to challenge a local “celebrity”. Then the U of I…

Sylvester Stallone

Expendables 3 and The Giver not good

Willie gives E3 one and a half “waffles” and The Giver just one.