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Nitwit News – August 9
Nitwit News – August 9

A Houston man came within one strike of a perfect game but as his ball was approaching the pins the reset bar came down blocking the shot. He had accidentally pressed the button.

In Riverview, Florida, investigators say Mohammad Abukhder was in the drive-thru lane of a McDonald’s when Rebecca Simmons tried to cut in line. Abukhder shouted profanities at Simmons, who then got out of her vehicle and allegedly stabbed the hood of Abukhder’s car with a knife. Abukhder then got out of his car and walked over to Simmons vehicle in an attempt to take her car keys so she would not leave the scene. That’s when Simmons stabbed him in the right buttocks, causing a small puncture wound.

Washington D.C.’s Historic Congressional Cemetery is using six dozen weed-eating goats to keeps its 35 acres neat and trim. The cemetery hired Brian Knox, who runs Eco-Goats, an environmentally friendly weed-control business that uses the voracious chewers to chow down on invasive species like poison ivy.

People living near the London home of Wendy Towers called authorities Tuesday when 22 tons of junk the homeowner kept on the second floor caused the house to cave in. Neighbors of Towers thought she was probably dead from the collapse — turns out she wasn’t home when it happened. Towers says she’ll treat the incident as a fresh beginning.

Interviews & Bits

Sgt. Bruce

Sgt. Bruce on Local Nitwits

We asked Sgt. Bruce to share some stories of local knuckleheads and nitwits.

PODCAST pod

Willie Waffle Doesn’t Like The Identical

To celebrate 20 years Forest Gump is back in theaters — and it’s on IMAX. There’s also a new movie called The Identical.

gina

Gina Talks About Bad Marital Advice

Life coach Gina says we should ignore this marital advice.

PODCAST pod

Waffle Reviews November Man & As Above/So Below

Movie guy Willie Waffle gave one movie 1 out of 4 and the other 0 out of 4!

Sgt. Bruce and Cop Cameras

Champaign police cars have cameras. How do they work and will the police be wearing cameras soon?  

gina

How to Tell Someone They Smell

We asked life coach Gina how to tell someone they stink or have bad breath.

PODCAST pod

We TRIED to do the Ice Bucket Challenge

We were ready to do the Ice Bucket Challenge … and planning to challenge a local “celebrity”. Then the U of I…

Sylvester Stallone

Expendables 3 and The Giver not good

Willie gives E3 one and a half “waffles” and The Giver just one.