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Nitwit News – August 14
Nitwit News – August 14

A chain smoking turtle in China is addicted to cigarettes and he currently goes through 10 a day. The owner of the turtle has even admitted that sometimes they share a cigarette when he lights up. The turtle’s struggle with his addiction began when the owner tried to remove a chicken bone from his pet’s belly. However, the turtle wasn’t happy with his owner’s surgical abilities, but unfortunately he wasn’t born with the ability to tell him that with words so he simply bit him instead. The pet owner then decided that the only way to stop getting chomped on again was to shove the cigarette that he was in the middle of smoking into the turtle’s mouth. The turtle managed to immediately finish the cigarette, surprising his owner in the process — but now he is completely hooked on them.

Tip for drug users: If you’re seeking drugs, don’t turn to Twitter for help. Sunith Baheerathan was apparently looking for some pot to get him through the day at a Vaughn, Ontario, auto shop. He tweeted out a message to, well, everyone, as well as his location. Police replied asking if they could stop by.

Interviews & Bits

Sgt. Bruce

Sgt. Bruce on Local Nitwits

We asked Sgt. Bruce to share some stories of local knuckleheads and nitwits.

PODCAST pod

Willie Waffle Doesn’t Like The Identical

To celebrate 20 years Forest Gump is back in theaters — and it’s on IMAX. There’s also a new movie called The Identical.

gina

Gina Talks About Bad Marital Advice

Life coach Gina says we should ignore this marital advice.

PODCAST pod

Waffle Reviews November Man & As Above/So Below

Movie guy Willie Waffle gave one movie 1 out of 4 and the other 0 out of 4!

Sgt. Bruce and Cop Cameras

Champaign police cars have cameras. How do they work and will the police be wearing cameras soon?  

gina

How to Tell Someone They Smell

We asked life coach Gina how to tell someone they stink or have bad breath.

PODCAST pod

We TRIED to do the Ice Bucket Challenge

We were ready to do the Ice Bucket Challenge … and planning to challenge a local “celebrity”. Then the U of I…

Sylvester Stallone

Expendables 3 and The Giver not good

Willie gives E3 one and a half “waffles” and The Giver just one.