Holstein and Company Mornings

Nitwit News – April 15
Nitwit News – April 15

When Tony Boland’s wife suggested giving away their daughter’s flute since she didn’t live in the family home anymore, the 79-year-old was resolute in his desire to keep the instrument around. But he couldn’t justify such stubbornness unless he took the flute up himself, and in order to play to the best of his abilities, he needed people to play with. Thankfully for Boland, he’s found a group of collaborators–only they happen to be fifth-graders. Boland is now the senior-most member of the band at Kennedy Elementary in Dubuqe, Iowa, and tutors his bandmates in his spare time, cognizant of the struggles he had as a kid learning to read.

Conventional kitchen wisdom tells us that a watched pot never boils. It also tells us that soup tastes better when a woman’s been soaking in it. Okay, I made that last part up. But some guy in New York City is looking for a woman to add some sort of secret ingredient to his batch of ramen noodles by soaking in them for 30 minutes. Here’s the guys Craigslist ad:

I will pay you $175 to sit in my bath tub full of ramen noodles wearing a bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will give you the keys while we meet, and you will go to my apartment thereafter. It will require a 30 minute soak. The noodles will be cooked and therefore slippery. Do not bring any sauce. I will season the sauce after I get home prior to dinner.

Interviews & Bits

Sgt. Bruce

Sgt. Bruce on Local Nitwits

We asked Sgt. Bruce to share some stories of local knuckleheads and nitwits.

PODCAST pod

Willie Waffle Doesn’t Like The Identical

To celebrate 20 years Forest Gump is back in theaters — and it’s on IMAX. There’s also a new movie called The Identical.

gina

Gina Talks About Bad Marital Advice

Life coach Gina says we should ignore this marital advice.

PODCAST pod

Waffle Reviews November Man & As Above/So Below

Movie guy Willie Waffle gave one movie 1 out of 4 and the other 0 out of 4!

Sgt. Bruce and Cop Cameras

Champaign police cars have cameras. How do they work and will the police be wearing cameras soon?  

gina

How to Tell Someone They Smell

We asked life coach Gina how to tell someone they stink or have bad breath.

PODCAST pod

We TRIED to do the Ice Bucket Challenge

We were ready to do the Ice Bucket Challenge … and planning to challenge a local “celebrity”. Then the U of I…

Sylvester Stallone

Expendables 3 and The Giver not good

Willie gives E3 one and a half “waffles” and The Giver just one.