Holstein and Company Mornings

Nitwit News – April 10
Nitwit News – April 10

Most burglars search for cash or jewelry, but police are on the lookout for a suspect they say went into an Orlando counseling center, defecated and clogged a toilet, drank soda, and stole chips and a camera. When the counseling center’s employees arrived to work Tuesday morning, they noticed a foul odor, and soon realized the toilet was clogged. Candy and various chips, including Doritos, were missing from drawers, and the burglar made off with an employee’s camera. The suspect also left behind a half-empty two-liter bottle of Coke.

On March 16, 2009, James Carroll Butler used an empty soda can to scoop urine from a toilet into his co-worker Michael Utz’s personal coffee pot at a Virginia water treatment plant. Butler returned the pot to the coffee maker “hoping [his co-worker Michael] Utz was the person who would get the urine-tainted coffee,” according to court documents. Butler got his wish, and after being discovered as the piss prank’s culprit, was sentenced to a year in jail and fined $5,001. Court documents obtained by the Daily Progress show that $5,000 will go towards punitive damages and $1 will go towards compensatory damages. Utz also lost his job. But we’re sure it was still totally worth it.

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